ENTRY FEE: Get real. Included in your American Road Cycling
ELIGIBILITY: All competitors must own a bicycle or be able to
borrow one. This is non-negotiable.
KAIN ASSAULT COURSE: Looks like
BASELINE: In each calendar year the first person to complete a Kain
Assault sets the baseline time and wins a medallion (to keep as their own
forever) which looks like this:
THE CUP: After a baseline is set each year, the first person to beat it
takes possession of the Kain Cup which looks like this:
TRANSFER OF CUP HOLDING: After the baseline is set, and somebody beats it
taking possession of the Kain Cup, each successive person to beat the new
best of year time takes possession of the Kain Cup leaving the former
cup holder feeling small and inconsequential.
SPECIFICS: Of course, all this means you probably will have to beg Joe
Straub to let you have a look at the Kain Cup if you ever want to see it.
Editor's Note: As in all cycling competition,
these rules are completely arbitrary and capricious so may be
changed without a moment's warning, consent, or published
notification. The rulings of the governing body are final... so fuck