Date:      08/04/2005
From:     Kevin Hetzel
Subject: Godzilla Destroys Lake Placid in 15:42

Original Submittal:

It took just a few short hours, and the entire Town of Lake Placid and some small surrounding towns were destroyed by a Serotta clad, Angola hardened, carbon and titanium menace.

Thanks for the training rides. You and Mary were in my thoughts often during the race. I thought about Angola and how much easier the climbs on the Lake Placid course felt.

Are you guys still doing weekly rides? I would like to come up and ride with the group again. Let me know.

Ask Paul about Papa Bear when he saw me on the first loop.

Kevin (Godzilla) Hetzel
 

Response:

American Road Cycling is happy to have had a hand in numerous race results coming in from this year's Lake Placid Ironman.

Hearing that Godzilla trounced the living shit out of a bunch of power lines, commuter trains, and innocent bystanders is one of our happiest moments.

To answer his first question, regular rides are still going out, even though Paul's widdle weggies huht (still) from his sojourn over there. Paul's also been caught sneaking out on the Silence of the Lambs ride with his little friend Dickwad, so Mr. Latrine is often considered missing in action.

However, The West Point Loop with San Remo, Harriman with Tiorati Brook Road, Cat Fight Hill, Heart Attack Hill, Bead Hill, Bead Hill Backwards, Eat Shit and Die Hill, Bob's Hill, Bob's Favorite Hill, Descent Du Paul, Cow Shit Hill, Knucklehead Hill, The Hump, The Rump, The Rump with a Boil, Kain Road, Cascade Road, Bob's Gun Exchange Loop, Skin Head Hill after the Goshen Road climb, The Triple Step, The Great View of the Trestle, Sunrise Mountain, High Point, The Vortex, Space Farms, Dr. Art's Odyssey, High Vista Drive (New!), the 36T Flat Loop, Dangerous Dan's Wednesday Time Trial, Westwood Velo's Silver Mine Time Trial, Perkins Drive, the New Paltz Loop, Fast Erna's New Paltz, Bull Corner, Pine Bush Loop, the Hill Behind Paul's, Guymard Turnpike with Prospect Hill, The Grind, Backwoods Warwick, Eagles' Nest, Joe Fix It's Tuesday Night (and now Sunday), Pickles, etc are all possible, in fact probable, and ongoing. All the while, we are on a constant lookout for copperheads.

Not to mention, The Tour de Goshen is coming up, plus Chuckie's Mission—if anybody's got the guts for it.

As for The Mission, Paul has publicly stated that he has now done enough hills to last a lifetime. Maybe he wouldn't be so tuckered out if he hadn't spent last Sunday's ride behind the group pushing me past George Tail, then George Tail past me, then me past Tail, Tail past me...going up every largish type hill that should have by rights taken us both out long before. Paul should ride smarter, and not give in to the temptation to keep everybody in the ride just so he can keep watching them suffer. If he'd just save himself a little, ride a little smarter, he might be able to get it up for A Mission.

In any case, contact Signature Psychos to confirm dates, or see the list of sanctioned American Road Cycling events.

By the way, anybody who does call Stinkature Cyclops must first ask if Paul knows anything about this "Papa Bear when he saw [Kevin] on the first loop in Lake Placid" story. Report back to American Road Cycling about it, because we are afraid to ask Paul ourselves.

Actually, after this letter was published, we did get up the gumption to ask Paul, so we can now confirm the Papa Bear story is terrific, but we're still letting Paul tell you. Anybody who's done Lake Placid knows half the story already. For the full recounting contact: Stupider BikesSocks. It is a real credit to all those of us who helped kick Godzilla into the shape it took to for him to do what he did.